The New Pet

It must've been because we recently spoke about the creaure we saw outside the window at Yuichi’s house.

Attempting to recall the details of my dream, I thought about Bree, her helter-skelter behavior and her opossum-like features, sharp teeth and claws.

Unlike the animal we had seen in Japan, the animal in my dream was full of energy.  The type of exhilarating energy that Bree had when she was wide awake.

Small legged, low to the ground with long tails, they were wild animals.   Similarly, the quadruped in my dream was not domestic.  It was wild and appeared untame.

The varmint-like critter, having just been let out of the car, dashed about.  Like a small terrier investigating a new territory, it darted about to and fro in a circle-like fashion, a long skinny tail following just behind.

Unlike a dog’s tail, it was not wagging. However, the creature was clearly gleeful.  It did not capriciously sniff every bush in sight nor did it the lift a hind leg to leave a scent.  Unlike Bree,  this mongrel remained aground and within our vicinity.  I was sure the people with me were afraid of it; I wasn't sure how I felt.

Both Jayme and Michelle were clearly fond of their new acquisition. I suspected they had plans to keep it and to care for it.  I do recall, it had a collar;  though not leashed, it clearly gave no indication of running off.

This is the very first time I had a dream of Jayme and Michelle!! AND this is the very first time in a very long time that I've even had a dream !!!!  I’d been having night mares for several years now.  Not every night but often, and they are simply unpleasant.   This was different.

Perhaps it was their gentle, joyous human natures, both Jayme’s and Michelle’s, that gave me the reassurance I needed.  The dream was pleasant.  It did not cause undue anxiety.  I had two other, equally satisfying dreams that night.  I will consult with my friend Kathleen.  She is masterful at interpreting dreams.  And she loves wild creatures as does Jayme.

The intention of our meeting, Jayme, Michelle and me, may have been to introduce me to what may be, their new pet.

It was clear they were confident that when it was time to leave, the scoundrel would simply jump into their car !!!  No yelling, no coaxing, no chasing. And best of all, though not a cuddly creature and most likely having sharp teeth and claws like Bree, it wouldn’t scratch or bite them.

Perspective

The text conversation went like this:

Me:  i read a book by Steve Jobs daughter.  soooo  many readers on amazon now think badly of the guy.  This is the world we live in.  I rather appreciate the guy even more so than I had at first.

Jayme:  perception is fickle

Me:  hmmmm. that is an interesting concept hmmmm

Just as two people putting their cards on the table at the same time,
Me adding, Jayme responding

Me:  Perhaps
Jayme: Indeed

Electrician

Friday october 28 2011

We were having electric problems . . . my friend's husband just couldn't help us out tonight, last minute. my son took the panel off, replaced a breaker with an old breaker.  Still not sure if this fixed the problem, I had to run out to the meeting. I left as soon as I knew he'd be out of danger playing with the circuits.

I just knew this kid Don would be there. He's an electrician. Don appears to be in his thirties. He hangs with a guy named Dan. Dan is a twenty something. Kids. Don said he'd come right over  to have a look.  After the meeting, he stopped home to pick up some breakers. We went downstairs immediately as soon as he got here. He replaced the breaker, tightened up some things, cleaned up some things, all the while he telling me exactly what he was doing, and why he was doing it. He likes to clean things up. When my son showed up, he started showing him what he had been doing, showing him how to measure the voltage passing through the wires, testing the connections, they got real in depth about the wires coming into the house, talking about grounds and water and all kinds of stuff . . . I scooted the kid, the electrician, out the door because I knew he'd have to get up early for work the next day. I paid him handsomely because all the stuff he did and I knew he really inspired my son . . . I've always wanted the kid to take up a trade . . . to get some trade-like skills . . . soooo thus begins my tale . . .

later in the eve, my son comes to the room I was in. Standing in the doorway, he started to tell me how he was really "turned on," talking about all that "electricity stuff" got him excited. I was too tired to entertain a conversation but I was thinking "we'll have to look into the IBEW tomorrow". He proceeded to tell me, how he liked Don better than the tree guy. I had brought home someone (also from one of my meetings) to take care of some trees after the hurricane. I tried to "hook" my son up with the tree guy. Maybe he could learn the trade.  I took them both out for pizza when the job was finished, imagining that maybe my son could learn how to use the ropes, cut down those big limbs. The comparison didn't make sense, but before you know it, Jayme asks me if the electrician is single !!!!! I was so taken back . . . what?!!!!!!  I asked !!!!! My kid was so matter of fact, standing there so cool-like in the doorway, like such a mature person, for the first time I saw that the kid is actually quite a good looking young man. A young man standing so tall and so confident. When did he become so mature, so manly? I think he may have even mentioned something about Don's looks, perhaps he said something to the effect that Don is a decent looking guy, I don't recall, I was simply in a state of complete shock.  My eyes opened WIDE . . . I think my jaw dropped . . . He was being so forthright, I decided to be forthright with him, "are you gay?" My 21 year old son, replied, "oh my god, mom . . . . I was thinking for you"  He turned immediately, did an "about face" and walked away.

The Wedding

Indeed, I frequently suffer from issues of low self esteem, often manifesting a sense that the world is against me.  Thus, the entire affair was quite fretful.  The anticipation, the unknowing, the spotlight.  Could I carry this sorrowful person with dignity and grace ?  

I was losing what remained of my relationship with my son.  He was marrying into a whole new family.  In fact, the man with the microphone had introduced them as Mr. and Mrs. Martinez!  And the seating arrangements !!  Grandma was completely separated from her grandchildren whom she never sees.  This was the only thing about this grandiose event that I was looking so forward to.  Grandma's enjoyment, simply watching her grandchildren.

Though under the fabricated protection of a 'posse' of friends, my self-conscious state was on high alert to begin with when I was pulled aside by a distant family member.  She expressed her own consternations, another family member didn't acknowledge her the way she had expected, and why was it that she and her family were placed at a table so disconnected from everyone else ?  In a heightened state of vexation, I was, once again swept away.  In haste, I was escorted to the dance floor to meet my son.  A smile of complete satisfaction on his face.

We were set in position for that 'god forsooken' rite; the one in which mother and son must dance, under the critical eye of many spectators. Each and everyone, of course, would have an opinion.  I must behave accordingly.

My son embraced me, "You got what you always wanted, mom," he uttered.

I was catapulted into an utter state of delusion.  Did he arrange all of this on purpose?  
As Hamlet, had he carefully planned to present me with such fearsome punishment ???  To punish me for all my misgivings, my lack of parenting skills !!  For abandoning him when he was a young teen !!  My mind flooded with such speculation . . . Such an extravagant affair . . . Jayme's grand celebration of induction into the Martinez family . . . . 

Perhaps he detected my perplexity, he made the clarification, "I'm happy, mom. 

You always wanted me to be happy!  I'm REALLY happy."

Horseshoe Crabs

Cedar Beach, Mount Sinai, NY circa 1997

We were at one of our favorite beaches.  I believe it was after school one day.  There was another mother there with two boys.  They were older.  Perhaps this was the same day they were throwing rocks at the seagulls.  That is a whole another story.  Johnathon. . . .

Meanwhile, I was on the beach, on a towel.  Jayme was in the water, as were the other boys.  Their mom was on a blanket, as well.  Frightened by the prescence of horsesoe crabs, the two boys came rushing up the beach from out of the water.  They were carring on, making such a fuss that the lifeguards instructed everyone to get out of the water.

The boys claimed that the crabs were fighting.

I assured the lifeguards that my son knew what he was doing.  We had been to numerous nature programs and petting zoos. I knew Jayme was directing them to safety.   He was walking calmly and using an open palm causing water current.  He was coaxing the creatures toward the deeper water.

A very young boy he was, perhaps just seven years young at the time.  We had moved to the north shore of long island when he was in the second grade.  He came up the beach from out of the water and gave the report.

"They're mating."

JJ

The boy was really looking at me . . . like really looking at me.  Even when I wasn't talking . . . As if he was in contemplation of me.  It was as if he knew that I was someone he ought to know well.  As if I was someone important. 

He took extended looks at each of the several faces around the table.  Perhaps it was all so new to him, the many and unfamiliar faces.  He was taking it all in.  He will process it all later.  When he goes to sleep.  He will dream.  That’s what babies do.

Jayme and Michelle were pretty sensitive to his pensiveness.  He was still a bit teary eyed.  Apparently he’d been crying before Pop Pop and I had gotten there.

Safe in his daddy’s arms, he sat beside me.  Throughout dinner, he had a firm grasp on one of my fingers.  I hadn’t quite finished when hastily, I just had to drop my fork off to the side of my plate so I could cup my free hand around the tiny hand that was clutching my finger.

Oh how I felt the fingers of that tiny fist that was wrapped around my right index finger.  Ever so gently, yet with great passion, I tried to telepathically absorb every sensation.  I could feel the bends of the tiny phalanges.  Working the palmar of my fingers, I committed the sensations to memory.

After dinner, I sat next to my Jayme on the couch.  I took JJ from him . .  . Yet only five months old, the child likes to stand . . He just didn't want to sit, he insisted on standing.  His feet pressed firmly into my upper quads. Although I was supporting him, every now and again, it seemed his knees gave way.  I'd have to lift the solid body.  Like a kneading cat, he worked his feet into my thighs, as to readjust himself.  After I got home that evening, I could still feel those little feet pressing into my quads !!!  Perhaps the vastus mediales and or the satorius had atrophied, they were sore !!!  Lol.  

Once again, he'd push himself erect, stand tall and gaze purposefully. I recall him looking toward the dining room.  He seemed to rather enjoy the activity I felt so incredibly privileged to have such an endearing experience with this young child. Thus, I took him over to Michelle's grandpa.  He had only observed the boy from afar.  Earlier that evening he noted the boy's mellow disposition during dinner.  I just had to give him the opportunity to feel the same unique sensation on his legs.  I supported the child as he naturally stretched his legs out to stand.  I positioned the child so that his feet would press into Pop Pops lap as they had done to mine.

As if it were part of a plan, Michelle's dad captured a photo of the child with his great grand father !!!

Priceless !!!!

😀

The Fuzzy Little Cat

The Fuzzy Little Cat

That Runs Away

by Jayme Grumm

February 1995

The fuzzy little cat runs away

because the kids were fighting and the mommy shouts

He went to the food store and he felt better

When he got home, the kids had stopped fighting

So he never ran away again.

He was able to share, and everyone was happy.